Grandpa..

Grandpa


I never met my maternal grandfather; he died 6 years before I was born. A lawyer of some repute, my Grandpa had a huge family to take care of. But somehow he managed to marry off his daughters to respectable Malayalee grooms and by the time death began to knock on his doors, all his daughters and sons had settled down to a comfortable lifestyle.

It was mother who used to tell me interesting stories about him. Mother used to say, “Your Grandpa was a very quiet and reserved individual. Rarely have I seen him lose his temper.” But mother’s words never really managed to satisfy my curiosity and I wanted to know more about the person that I had never met.

On one of my numerous visits to Kerala, I happened to discover a set of diaries that belonged to Grandpa. It was an amazing discovery, one that kept me occupied for hours on end. The oldest diary related the events that took place in 1932. That was eighteen years before my mother was born. The next few diaries belonged to the time period between 1970 and 1977.

I wondered how the 1932 diary managed to survive the test of time. I got my answer when I read the following entry in one of his later diaries-“Spent some of my time going through the 1932 diary.” It dawned upon me that Grandpa may have taken special care of the 1932 journal and ensured that it survived beyond his time. What was so special about that diary? I haven’t been able to figure it out.

Grandpa’s diaries revealed his love for the game of cricket. He regularly listed the scorecard of the test matches that involved India. In those days, there was no television and Grandpa had to rely on the 9 PM- All India Radio News Broadcast to get the latest updates. There was also a passing mention about a certain player, Viv Richards, scoring 192 unbeaten runs in the second test match of his debut series against India.

I found it difficult to read some of the diaries that he wrote towards the end of his life. It seemed as if he endured great difficulty in writing his entries. Some of the pages were left blank and yet others bore nothing, but vague scribbles. His hands were probably shaking when he tried to pen his thoughts.

I enquired with my mother. She told me that Grandpa suffered from cancer and had met with a painful death. Morphine injections had done little to alleviate his pain. I looked at the diaries. The scribbles no longer looked illegible. They spoke volumes about a silent battle fought against the Decree of Fate.

The Old Man in journal format

June 15

It’s been more than a week and father’s health shows no sign of improvement. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t talk and I am not sure if he recognizes us. At times I see him throw a glance outside the window, perhaps observing the sparrows that occupy the nearby trees. Maybe he’s reminded of his childhood days. I remember how he used to entertain us with stories of his younger days. His eyes would light up when he spoke about the lush green fields that he grew up in. Now, it’s only his eyes that show any kind of motion; every other part of his body lies unmoved.

June 20

I am hurt. I didn’t expect this from Meena. It’s beyond my understanding how she could refer to father as a “burden”. How could she ever forget that it was father who made her feel at home when she entered our family? Father would have been so terribly saddened by her words. I feel glad that he’s no longer aware of what’s going on around him. Today I sat down beside him taking his aged hand into my own.

June 23

Now brother’s wife too! What’s happening to the women in the house? Thank god mother is no longer alive; I would have found it difficult to face her. Well, now that sister-in-law and wife agree upon the fact that my father is a “burden”, I’ll relieve them of their duties towards him. The values and principles that were ingrained in us seem challenged by practical realities.


June 24

The doctor visited to perform a routine check-up. He didn’t have any good news to share. I asked him if my father is aware of his surroundings. The doctor wasn’t sure about it. I must do everything possible to ensure father’s comfort.


June 25

The children in the house make too much noise. I must forbid them from entering father’s room. It’s painful to watch father lying listlessly on bed. I have been administering the medicines for the last two days and they seem to have no effect on his health. I wish there was some way by which I could alleviate his pain. Why can’t God show some mercy?

June 30

The children have been disciplined. I asked them not to enter father’s room. They left quietly without creating much of a fuss. Father looked a bit disturbed today. I administered the new pill that I had brought for him. It didn’t take much time for him to fall asleep. He now sleeps peacefully; the feeling of pain and suffering no longer seems to exist.